No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
