My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.