i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
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Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT