hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.