There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.