Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
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She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.