My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.