She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
