i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
