Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
home. puking in laundry basket.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
