I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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