All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
