Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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