Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
