nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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