I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
