Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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