There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Say something about gay babies.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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