I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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