I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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