Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
