"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This is my gift to your gina
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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