She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
