But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
