When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
