i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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