yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
