bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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