she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
