If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
