The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
