Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
