Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
