every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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