end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
