my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
