five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
