New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
