I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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