i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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