I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
