After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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