last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
