don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't notice because vodka
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
