Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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