the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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