Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
