I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
