i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
