I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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