turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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