I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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