There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
