This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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