this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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