He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
