Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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