but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
