Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry about my life...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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