I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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