Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
