You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Four minutes until I can fart!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
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I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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