i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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