did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
