someone threw a dead crab at me
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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