our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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