if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize