i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
