If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
