These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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