was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
not ubering you a puppy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
