Umm I'm too high to move.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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