dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
