I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
