i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
