he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
