yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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