WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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