I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
