Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
