It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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