my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize