kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
All the doctor said was why
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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