Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
