Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
