I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
