I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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