the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
