I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
