Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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