people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
