Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
