I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
