Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
