I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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