Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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