3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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