I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
