Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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